I just want to be noticed. . .

I have an ugly bruise from yet another test.  It is on the crook of my elbow and in yoga today, I wanted it to be seen.  As a woman with an illness, I am the baby of a large family through and through.  I want desperately for someone to notice me.  To hold me and tell me that I will be okay.

But I am a grown woman.  My parents are dead.  I have children to raise, a husband to manage, bills to pay.  And I know that everything might not be okay.  And still, I just want someone to notice me.

Lyme rage certainly gets me noticed.   I now know what my greatest healing stretch will be:  getting enough support so I can keep my children safe from my rage.  I love them and I know they are struggling too.  But the anxiety and rage get the best of me.  I remind myself of my dad when he was on the edge of a heart attack.  The diseased body can do terrifically terrible things to our psyche.

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