The Day That Wouldn't End

So since I started this new “Fueling Your Life” program, I’m supposed to watch my “self-talk”.  For those of you unfamiliar with the great gifts of Lyme Disease, “Positive Thinking” tends to go out when the tick breaks it’s latch.  It is very hard to be positive when your body is full of raging and replicating, nasty bacteria.

So today, when I had my phone interview with Social Security, I cried through most of it.  I have advanced degrees.  I’m really smart.  I’m super creative.  I’m a great teacher.  And yet, it has been nearly impossible for me to hold down a fulltime job for most of my adult life.  Want to feel like crap about yourself and your lack of accomplishments in life?  Walk through your medical history.  I didn’t know it was all Lyme.  The mental health issues, the rage, the blood issues, the menstrual issues, the ovary pains, the pain, the anxiety, the post partum issues. . .the list goes on and on, but I don’t want to change the channel, so I’ll stop now.

They want to know, for the second time, why I didn’t apply for SSDI years ago.  Tell me, “how is that helpful?”  Today is all I’ve got.  I did it today.  And I will fill out the paperwork and plug along.  I didn’t know that I was sick.  I didn’t know that I had a life threatening illness.  I didn’t know.  And now I do.

I’m so ready to put this day to bed.  Tomorrow has to be better.


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