This illness doesn’t own us. Or does it?

My day is filled with symptoms and managing meds for 3 people. It is filled with trying to find supports and lamenting the fact that those supports just aren’t available to us. It is filled with checking in with other chronically ill friends, most that are virtual, to see how everyone is doing. And two days a week, I teach. I don’t plan much for yoga. More for creative writing because I can’t teach on auto-pilot like I used to.

Many days are filled with ordering meds, seeing doctors and filling out paperwork. Drinking. 4 quarts of water, not to mention the cilantro, tumeric, clay, pepper, salt drink. And the castor oil packs and the visits to therapy because I’m not only fighting to save my mind, I’m fighting to save the relationships I still have.

So, tell me. What else is there? Sure. Right now, I fight. I heal. I fight to heal. And I make money to afford that fighting and healing. And then, my energy is gone.

Today, we talked in therapy about how the disease has to stop being blamed for everything. Yes. I have very little energy. My partner is over worked, constantly worried about when I am alone with the kids, and some times he needs to be. We need to find some ways out. Some breaks for this disease that fills our house with blame and anger and hate. My kid constantly whines about wanting to be “normal”. Now it is our turn. What the hell is “normal,” anyway?

How do I learn to act as if there is some “normal” when I can’t see any?


2 responses to “This illness doesn’t own us. Or does it?

  1. There’s not really a true definition of “normal” in my opinion. You just define it for you! Maybe what you’re doing is normal for you right now. That doesn’t mean normal is good or bad. It just is. And if what you deal with now is “normal”, wouldn’t you really want to be “abnormal”????

    I’m sure it feels like the disease owns you now. But don’t let it. Keep fighting and healing. That may sound so trite and like some sort of empty platitude, but you really can’t let the disease own you. Own it. And fight it. And HEAL. That’s the way to take over the disease! And know that this relationship is not going anywhere, and if anything, it can only get better. Stay strong!

  2. Hey, Jeanne,
    It was REALLY cool to be in our yoga class today. You are indeed a REALLY good yoga teacher. And I’ve always loved your energy when we’ve run into each other – outreaching, passionate, authentic, outspoken, deeply caring.

    I don’t know what it’s like to deal with an extreme health challenge and parent sick kids at the same time. (Putting myself in another’s shoes – compassion – is one of MY soul lessons. But I will think of you with warm and healing thoughts. I’ll practice remembering to hold you in my heart, and know that peace can be found even in the most challenging circumstances, as we learn our – I like your term – soul lessons.
    So is this how to email you via your blog?
    Guess I’m out of space. Do write me re Allie and ?’s yoga classes. Namaste! Hugs, Paul M.

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