My day is filled with symptoms and managing meds for 3 people. It is filled with trying to find supports and lamenting the fact that those supports just aren’t available to us. It is filled with checking in with other chronically ill friends, most that are virtual, to see how everyone is doing. And two days a week, I teach. I don’t plan much for yoga. More for creative writing because I can’t teach on auto-pilot like I used to.
Many days are filled with ordering meds, seeing doctors and filling out paperwork. Drinking. 4 quarts of water, not to mention the cilantro, tumeric, clay, pepper, salt drink. And the castor oil packs and the visits to therapy because I’m not only fighting to save my mind, I’m fighting to save the relationships I still have.
So, tell me. What else is there? Sure. Right now, I fight. I heal. I fight to heal. And I make money to afford that fighting and healing. And then, my energy is gone.
Today, we talked in therapy about how the disease has to stop being blamed for everything. Yes. I have very little energy. My partner is over worked, constantly worried about when I am alone with the kids, and some times he needs to be. We need to find some ways out. Some breaks for this disease that fills our house with blame and anger and hate. My kid constantly whines about wanting to be “normal”. Now it is our turn. What the hell is “normal,” anyway?
How do I learn to act as if there is some “normal” when I can’t see any?