Today’s visit with the Doctor was terrific. As always, I started in on my symptoms, moved into questions and then I reported in on what I’m taking. BP was 87/60. Not a wide pulse pressure. Little warm at 99.1, especially for this gal, who hovers around 96. Resting pulse of 62. Not bad for someone with a bunch of infectious diseases.
She was even more like the Doctor of my dreams, today. Not sure exactly why, but I threw in the question, “Am I ever going to be well?” Just quickly, in between the sub-clinical MRSA issue and my non-working hip. “Yes, you will be well. You will battle this for the rest of your life–it will be chronic, but someday, you will consider yourself to be ‘well’.”
She went on to explain that I don’t have the birds eye view about our health the way that she does. Apparently, I am hella better than when I first arrived in her little office in downtown Minneapolis 17 months ago. Whew. Glad to know.
She is right. I can’t see it. The old symptoms have been replaced with new ones. Some of them are even harder to handle. There is more grief than ever. I feel like, with my husband’s diagnosis, our world is just beginning to fall apart. But again, she is right. The other shoe dropped, and we are all still standing.
“You are no longer tossed outside the tornado of Lyme,” she told me. “Now, you are in the center of it. It is spinning wildly, and hard to live in, but you are inside now. Working in the chaos.”
I am in the eye of the storm. What other disease is there that makes this a welcome image? Only Lyme. Good EKG. Referral for Water PT in process. She even told me that I’m intuitively working to manage my care just the way I should be. I have Hope. Today, there is only hope. Even if that hope comes from inside the Maelstrom.