Why is this so hard?
I’m exhausted from walking 6 blocks from the car to a parade today. Then the up and the down with my punk-ass hip for the length of parade. Then, 6 blocks back to the car. I’m tired.
And people? There are rules about parades.
1.) Don’t bring a stroller. Baby carriers are allowed. If this is your first year at this progressive parade, fine. But don’t make this mistake again, and YES, it did hurt when you rolled over my feet. Each time.
2.) Don’t bring your dog. Sure, your dog is cute, but just don’t. First time? Fine. Don’t do it again.
3.) I don’t want to smoke your cigarette. I know that you do, but go somewhere private. Don’t walk up and down the sidewalk. R U D E. RUDE.
4.) And speaking of smells, this is an outdoor parade. Why are you wearing perfume? Don’t.
5.) Don’t stand in front of a person with a disability. I know I don’t look sick, but I’m RIGHT THERE, and standing up to look over you if hard. You do, actually, make a better door than a window.
But, I digress. I’m tired. I went because it is a family tradition. The big kid knew better. He knows how exhausting this parade can be, so he stayed home with his friend and helped her sister with a lemonade stand. Smart move.
Now, tonight, I need a knife free meal.
Sure you smart gluten free, potato free, stir fry kind of people are brilliant. You could walk into my kitchen and whip something up in no time. But this is my life. My husband is working, my kids don’t help and we are all hungry.
And, I shake. A lot sometimes. Fine motor skills are not so good. So, chopping a vegetable is really hard. Yeah. . I know. . I’m not asking for much. Maybe this is just a chance for you to see why I can get so paralyzed by food.
I need “No Knife” Meals. Recipes. Suggestions. Or, you could organize a veggie cutting night at my house. Invite my friends. Your friends. I don’t even care.
Here is the short list of what we can’t have. Gluten, rice (kids can, parents can’t), stay away from meat because we all have one meat on the forbidden list. I can’t have carrots. Macaroni and cheese from a box and veggie burgers with green beans are our standard fare, and soon, the children are going to rebel. No cane sugar. No white beans.
Here is the LONG list, but we are doing the best we can with this:
Carrot (mom only)
Cheese (parents only)
Oat (Dad can eat these)
What suggestions do you have for me? No knives, please. We look forward to a blood free evening. Big raw veggie salad? I wish. I tend to tear lettuce a few times a day and put sauerkraut on it. But, frankly, that’s getting old.
So, weigh in. I can’t wait for your brilliance!