This treatment is not NEARLY as bad as I thought it would be. *laughs maniacly* Okay, so it is bad. Worse than I thought it would be, but really, more specifically, it is different. I didn’t expect to be on the couch/bed 95% of the time. I didn’t expect my blood pressure would freak so much that I would be unable to function come afternoon. I expected to be agitated. A monster. Unable to sit still.

Still, I am better off than some are all the time. This am, although my floaters are nearly taking all of my sight, and I’m sweating in contrast with my deep chills all afternoon and evening, I feel okay. If 10 was the place I was on the 10 point pain/function/shit list last night, when I had to crawl to the bathroom, this am I at a 6.

I take the 4th vile vial tonight, and unfortunately, according to my lotsahelpinghands site, I don’t have anyone who is able to be here with me, so, I need to function, at least to get the little guy to bed.

Treating for Bartonella is, as I would imagine a long drug trip to be. Altered reality. Spinning rooms. The worst drunk/hangover/headcold/flu you’ve ever had, but all at the same time. And, don’t forget to wear your sunglasses in the house, even with the dimmest lights.

But, I am coping. Ate well yesterday, but that was the first day in awhile that I had two meals. Been averaging one, and only if someone hands me the meal. The plate is too big, there is too much food. And, I struggle to keep it down.

When I go to bed, I’m so hungry. Hungrier than I’ve ever been. And, then, the hunger is gone.

Food is the hardest part. Or is it the fact that the TV has to parent my son? And, the other one only becomes co-operative when I use up what little energy I have, to crab at him, beg him to help. The whining certainly doesn’t help. Sure, I can see how hard this is for them. They should have just gone to Grandma’s. But, this is our life. The light from the computer is awful. The sounds from the super Mario show on netflix.

I have heard from so many people that Bartonella treatment helps them SO much. I have to do it. Have to.

So, those of you who wonder how I can still write, even with infectious diseases in my brain. . these treatment posts have likely bored you to death. But, right now, my blog is about being my own witness to my journey.

Skip these entries, if you must. But, please come back when my brain is a little stable!


5 responses to “NINE

  1. Hi,

    I just started buhner protocol herbs in a tea. Apparently I overdid it a bit. GOOD GOD. Bartonella herxing is the worst. I’ll take my Parkinson’s like twitching any day or pain instead of the crawling out of my own skin agitation that Bart die-off gives me. So I feel ya….The only thing that gets me through is watching entire showtime series until it lifts. Avoiding contact with people is also probably best whenever possible. (LOL) I’m sending you some vibes/positive energy/prayers etc. Hang in there. I made it thru a Tindamax Bart herx from HE** and after 2-3 weeks, my brain was clearer than it had been in years. Hang in there. Good work strong mama!

    • You can say hell on my blog, my friend. I’ve been known to use a few f words. As most of us trying to catch the last train from Bartville. Thank you for the support.

  2. JM –
    Thank you again for telling us what it’s like for you, plain and raw. I really wish I could lend a hand right now (instead, I’m needed at my chaotic, recently bedbug-treated home).

    Anyway, hats off to you for taking this on and seeing it through. You rock, regardless of how your blog prose rates by Jeanne Marie standards.

  3. I know what you are going through and I know how tough it is for you and your kids. Have lived with it for 23 years. First my daughter at age 9 and then my wife at age 42, then me at age 45, and then my oldest daughter six months before embarking for Univ of DE. The girls and I have survived it. Helen not so much. She is working on her 18th year and I have lived through her meningitis attacks, her IQ at 70, her nerve pain suicidal, her herxheimers crushing, and her relentless fight beyond belief. Keep at it girl. Keep reminding yourself why you have to keep fighting. It builds character and allows you to know who your real friends are.

  4. Your courage gives the rest of us incentive to keep fighting! You are in my thoughts and prayers as you venture on…one step and one nasty vial at a time!

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