No Longer One of The Cool Kids

So, it probably shouldn’t be hitting me so hard. But, I hopped on facebook tonight before hopping into bed and I saw this:

Bike/Walk Twin Cities

Yep. Walk or Bike to the neighborhood co-op and tell your story.

Well, my story would be this. Tonight, when my friend Carrie was over, she asked why my distracted son left his bike on the sidewalk. I walked over to pick it up, and with Carrie’s presence, I felt strong enough to straddle it. I have a hip that is full of tick borne illnesses — various diseases hang out there, eating their weight in muscle tissue and hanging out in bones. I’ve been doing intensive physical therapy for it — having amazing results.

So, there I was. On a bike. After nearly two years of being off one. “Should I do it?” I asked. “Well, I would think all that vertigo might make it a little hard.”

Oops.

I kept thinking. . I will get on a bike again, if this hip ever heals. Nope. I’m not getting on a bike tomorrow for Bike/Walk Twin Cities. Maybe I’m not getting on one every again. I don’t know. But, I do know that these kind of events, despite the cheer and good will, make me feel like a non-smoker watching the cool kids hanging out at the corner.

I’m not in a wheelchair, and yet, I’m very limited in my mobility. I don’t have a disability parking sign, and yet I could use one. I’m not sure how to make this event more inclusive, but I just have to say, it isn’t. So, I’ll wave in solidarity as you ride by my house. I won’t be going anywhere tomorrow. But here? It’s not a bad place. Just different.

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4 responses to “No Longer One of The Cool Kids

  1. You have a sadness that I haven’t seen in your posts before. Maybe you are especially sad today or maybe you are getting better at conveying emotion. So sorry you can’t do what the other kids do. But not smoking when all the cool kids did is an analogy that reveals your age. Methinks that in todays young world things are reversed. At least you don’t have to quit smoking along with all the other challenges you have.
    my wife just found out yesterday that her knee is osteoarthritic and pretty far along. With the pain killers she takes she couldn’t feel the pain that the Doc said should have put her in a wheelchair with me wheeling her into his office months ago. Ironic huh. THe pain meds save her from suicide but havn’t’ saved her knee from erosion. I wonder what else her pain meds are hiding. Hmm. Have to have that discussion with her tomorrow. I guess when God invented pain he didn’t know about Lyme Disease.

  2. I understand where this comes from all too well! You sit and watch the healthy people do the things you so long to do…the things you loved to do…then you wonder will you ever do them again? I have noticed just recently after 5 yrs of doing just that and I am just now able to do a few things that I could not before. I was afraid to “try” to do them but I did and some of them went ok and some not so much. Of course now I have to add many accomidations when doing things unlike before. Riding a bike? Probably not anytime soon or maybe never! But I am able to push myself to do more things with less down time afterwards these days. They are different things then I used to do…really can’t do much of the same things I used to do. That is what you fight for…days where you will be able to do more things. They may not be the same as before but they will be what you can do and it will be a new you…because if you think about it “you” will never be the same as before either. Confusing? Yes my brain gets confusing…LOL Point being..when you feel up to it try things..maybe new things…small things…work your way up..make accomidations for what you need..find enjoyment in them. I think we will always watch what others can do and feel sad. It’s normal for chronic illnesses. I watch my own husband being so very active. He runs 5 miles a day sometimes! Yes I do get jealous. It sucks even though I am grateful he is health (so far). Anyways I am hoping and praying you will soon be able to do more! I know how hard it is. I have lived it for many years too. (HUGS)

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