I had a big a-ha moment tonight. I was too tired to function after my appointment at the Dizzy and Balance clinic. Way too tired. But, if I sit down on the couch to rest for just a moment, I won’t be able to get up again. I have to be a parent. I have to get my kid to bed, with teeth flossed and brushed, not to mention fed.
So, tonight, I kept moving. I went to the store to get a second box of mac and cheese and some cucumbers, standard fare around here.
At the co-op, I was asked by a worker about the symptoms of Lyme DIsease, ran into the Publicity gal for the local support group and then, walking out to the car, lost my balance and ended up slamming my barely functioning right arm into the car. That happened in the exact moment that a family from one of my family yoga class was walking by.
I have NEVER hurt so bad. Nerve pain traveled through the arm, and it felt like I threw out my shoulder in the back, as well. It was awful.
But, I keep running. . even through the pain. Next, I make dinner, get Finn to bed, dragging, begging him to focus so I can get him to bed. 7:20. Goodnight little boy.
Now, I’m watching Arrested Development, blogging and crying. I’ve been crying since the fall into the car. Not just because it hurts, but because I don’t know how to slow down. And, the idea of it terrifies me. I don’t even know what that means, to slow down. I feel like I’ve slowed down so much that I’m down to doing nothing that isn’t required for my day.
The doctors appointments, the physical therapy, the appointments for the kids. . . and nothing else. Once in awhile I stop at the thrift store. Once in awhile I stop at the library. But fun? Relaxation?
I’ve pared it down to only the essentials. And, it is still too much.