I don’t like the word, “chronic” applied to my daily struggle. It sucks the hope right out of me. I don’t want to be chronically ill. Years ago, when I was around a whole lot of people doing spiritual work, a woman told me that she always wrote, “Healing,” when a form or an application asked for current employment or position.
I am healing. I am healing from persistent infections that have taken me down over the past 27 or so years. I am healing from persistent infections that very few people are researching a cure for. I have treated for a considerable amount of time, and yes, all of these infections are so incredibly persistent. Some days, I feel better, but overall, I don’t often feel like I’m winning my fight.
I want to be one of those people in the 10% that are on their way to beating or have beaten this illness. I don’t want to be in the 90% that appear to be chronic.
So, how do I go from one group to the other? Attitude is everything, or so “they” say. I think they are wrong. I think the recipe is 1 part attitude, 3 parts passion for life, 5 parts finding the right doctor or practitioner to guide your journey. Throw in thousands of dollars to be able to treat. Add a little luck for the right social security attorney and judge. Extra bonus for an organization like Pathways. Then subtract the number of people in your family infected, after you multiply that number by 10. Finally, take the number of great friends and family (and in my case my current and former student family) that stick by you through everything and multiply that with enormous love.
That’s where you get your answer. And that answer can only be hope.
That’s the recipe that I believe to be true. I’m missing a few things, so I have to keep making shifts. I move things around and do what I can to solve the equation.
It’s persistent. And difficult. But I need to hold on to hope.